So im back at it again with school. Although its only 4 classes this quarter i still get a full load of 15 credits. Im glad. Whats best about that also is that I only have to go to school 2 days out of the week. Thats awesome for me awesome for work and comunity.
Yesterdays intro to english comp and nutritonal science kinda took a hit on my emotions since it talked over a few things i didnt really feel comfortable talking about in a more public enviromnet. First english was about advice giving and learning how to write for and advice column in a news paper of some sorts. basicly it was about expressing our selves on giving advice to people we may or may not know. awesome right? eh The instructor kinda made it strange and right away he was like Shut up.. hahaa.. i guess i should give the other students a chance to speak up.
So in Nutritional Science it was about eating right and how 1/3 of americans are obese. bunch of fat fuckers out there. eh.. im one of them i guess. So tomorrow kinda marked my last day again of eating whatever. since im learning what is nutrition i might as well practice it. you know? So this morning I just had Oat Meal. I think for lunch i will shoot for some salad and other colorful items that the kitchen may have to offer. I hope it goes good.
I kind snaped at a student yesterday about something I have brought to his attention several times before. I know my delivery was a bit fucked up but I kinda had it with his Arrogance. I see alot of how i used to be when i first got her but damn he was on a whole ;nother level than i was. So i let him have it. then walked away like a boss. haha we had to spend some time talking about it later which indeed turned out to be a pretty good learning experience for the both of us.
Yes I do need to work on my deliver of the messege. expecially when someone does not know who i am or where i come from. and students will be students and its expected of them to be, as he put, “a dick head from time to time” ha.. arrogance.
good times.

Wow. Okay I understand now. After things change our language changes. The way we talk to each other change. Haha. Im no longer speaking in code im speaking in literation. Why the fuck does it have to be that way.  Continue reading →

Remember back in the day when I was still a child. I remember that wooden shit shack. spider webs and all. damn from the day I first used it. unaware of what was happening. looking back with shame. guilt. confusion, what does that make me? who does that make me? Continue reading →

i dont know where I feel safe any more. It seems to me that the more and more I move forward and start to leave people behind that dont yet get it and surprisingly enough I think they never will. I feel for them, deeply. I want to be able to pick them up in the chair that they sit in and just turn them around so that they see me and not just hear me. For me its kinda that easy now to just SEE things the way the are. i wish they could also. Continue reading →

What do you think you are doing right now? Do you think that is a good choice to make right now?. Really. Based on your ability to make decisions in the past you havent been the brightest person to be making them on the fly. Look where all your best decision making has gotten you so far! Yeah I know I’m a fucked up mess but what the hell. Some times I just dont know what the fuck im doing and i have to do something. Continue reading →

This past monday I was able to head up to Phx and take care of some business and check in with some peoples. It was an Interesting Day for the most part. First I had to pick up my check from the smithbarney people then head back to my home town to check in with the system and give my gramma some dollars. I tried looking for my brother but I guess his phone was taken away from my dad Lulz. Continue reading →

Im long gone so far away from life I cant make sense any more of how I feal or how I should feel tward you. I know I want something more than what it is right now. Conversations over the phone mean so much to me I can distinguish from what I feel and what I want. Continue reading →

Out of breath and out of options. I look into the eyes of my worst dreams and deepest fear. Im hurting, tatted and torn I have trouble standing in my place holding it together. The edges of my vision pulse with darkness as I fight my fatigue and keep from fainting. I ask my self in my head how do I defeat this person who knows all my moves and is just as fast or even faster than I am. What do I have left to throw at him. How will I win with out dying? Despite all the times Ive layed my head down wishing I didn’t exist or wouldnt wake to see another day, I do want to live. I have love that I dont want to give up on and i dont want to add to the suffering or add more pain into those that I Do love so much. I want to live I want to fight another day! I want to Win! I want to become stronger! I want to over come this battle so I can live another day and share what I learn. I can do it! I know I can do it. I might not know how to do it just this second But I know I can do it! Continue reading →

All of a sudden I find my self with just me in the room and i start up a conversation. I start to tell my self about how I feel and where I am in my life and how I am still resistant to everything that is going on with me in it. Just like with everyone I sit patiently and listen to what I have to say. I hear my self out and try to figure out whats going on and what are the best options are for me at the time. Only thing is, is that infact I am my own worst enemy. Continue reading →

So not to long ago I was listening to some people talk about the roles people have played in ones life, more importantly the roles women have played in there lives. I couldnt help but think about that for my self as well…. Continue reading →